Hello, My Name Is.....

So as you all can tell, I've been rather quiet these last few weeks.  Well, I've got a super legit reason for this. Critter made a grand entrance into the world on June 15.  Ok, last chance to guess if Critter is a boy or girl....did you guess? It should come as no surprise that Critter is a little boy!! We have named him James Curtis and he couldn't be more amazing! God really did bless us with this little guy! He has been pretty awesome so far.  He came 3 days early and was 7 pounds 12 ounces, 20 inches long (according to hospital stats.  At the pediatrician's he was 18.9 inches long and 7 pounds 4 ounces (this was 3 days after birth, they always lose a little weight so that was expected) so not quite as long as the hospital said.) 

Now I said I would be honest and real about baby life on here so I'm going to share some of the birth with you all.  Don't worry, I won't go into too much detail ;)  Basically my water broke first, with no contractions happening before hand; it was intense from the beginning. With no fluids in there, there was no cushion for him to float around in so contractions were really tough.  And they started out three minutes apart. So I really didn't get eased into labor, lucky me! We only stayed home a few hours because with the contractions being so close together we were unsure if I was going to actually have him rather quickly. 

When we got to the hospital (at about 1 am), the midwife checked me and I was only 3 cm dilated-so not much. So we settled in for what was looking to be a long night.  As time went on, the contractions were growing in intensity and were getting closer together, about 2-3 minutes apart.  Along with the intensity I also had back labor (oh so fun) and lots of pressure, downtown. We'll just leave it at that. After being checked again at about 7 or 8 am, I wasn't dilated much more so I asked for an epidural.  As much as I didn't want to have one, I'm so glad that I did! As soon as the doc shot me up, relief.  I could finally sleep! And stop convulsing-I didn't know that was something that could happen in labor. Apparently hormones and pain can make you shake uncontrollably.

After the epidural I slept, for several hours.  That rest made all the difference. I awoke to being almost ready to push.  James just needed to get a little further south and we were good to go. So in those 2 hours before it was time to push, Matt and I just chatted and rested, preparing as best we could that we were about to have a baby. I realize now that nothing can prepare you for this-maybe physically I was prepared but mentally it still hadn't hit me. 

Now when it  came time to push, we found out why I was having so much pressure downtown; James was "sunny side up," meaning his face was up and the back of his head was against my pelvis and spine.  So our lovely midwife looked at me and said "ok, you're probably going to have to push longer than an hour because of the epidural and that he's sunny side up. Those two factors make it a lot harder work. Are you ready?" I was and was not at the same time but said let's do this.

So there we were, Matt holding a leg and being so encouraging. The midwife talking me through it all and letting me know what was going on.  And worship music playing the whole time, helping to keep my focus on the task at hand, and to keep me in a prayerful mindset as well.  It was so cool really.  The nurse working asked about my play list, if it was on Pandora or if it was one I had made (I made a sweet list for my ipod which everyone loved).  To have both the midwife and nurse humming and singing along with the worship songs was such a blessing.  In the midst of this terribly physically grueling task, we were all so calm and focused, casually chatting in between contractions/pushing.  The next day that same, awesome, nurse said that ours was one of the most peaceful births she had ever helped with.  That we were so calm, and with the worship music, it was nice to be part of.  I feel like there is no higher compliment that can be made-and it's all because the Lord was with us the whole time. 

So after only one hour of pushing, James came into our lives.  Now you know how Matt and I are; we're not the most emotional of folks.  But my beloved, sweet husband hugged and kissed me with tears in his eyes, thanking Jesus for our little guy and his safe arrival.  Me? I was in shock. When they put James on my chest, I just looked at Matt and said holy crap. I couldn't really believe that I had a kiddo to love and care for. I know, I had 9 months to prepare for that moment. But nothing prepares you for actually holding and seeing this life for the first time.  It was very surreal.  Even now, two weeks later, I look at him and think, holy crap, I've got this little one to care for.

Now I had been told by several ladies that giving birth is like the most satisfying poo you'll ever take in your life.  I don't know what kinds of poos they have but that is not what I would liken the experience to! It was very relieving to get him out that's for sure!  Apparently the fact that it only took an hour to shove him out was rather impressive as well.  The midwife and all the nurses told me that it was a sort of accomplishment. I chock it up to all the hard work I had been doing the whole pregnancy. That. And the fact that I am a beast and really didn't want to have to work longer than necessary.

The funniest part of this whole experience is when I passed out on the toilet.  Yes, I really did! Apparently this is also common.  After the epidural wore off and we were getting ready to shift over to the recovery room, the nurses said ok let's get up, have you pee and change.  As I stood up, I felt all my guts start to tumble and fall back into place.  This is a weird feeling.  It's like that sinking feeling you get in your stomach when it lurches after a big hill or roller coaster, but on every kind of crack, speed, dope, and upper you could possibly think of. In truth it made me a little nauseated. But I soldiered on.  We slowly get to the potty where I was stripped down to being naked as a jay bird, sit down, and get light headed, which I tell the nurse.  She then gets some smelling salts and wafts it under my nose.  Now for a person who is terribly sensitive to smells and such, this was torture.  I've never done drugs but I imagine that the sensation I felt must compare to that first hit of some good smack, immediate and mind numbing.  I know it's supposed to shock you back into reality but it just made my head explode.  So I told her, "that made it worse!" What does she do? Wafts it again!! Next thing I know, I've got three faces staring at me asking "are you ok?" Of course my response is "why wouldn't I be ok?" "You passed out." Oh.  Well then. Mind you, I'm still naked as can be but now have a larger audience.  There's nothing like waking up butt naked to complete strangers.  And there was Matt, peaking around the door, checking to make sure I'm ok. He lasted there just a few minutes before going to back James who was also getting cleaned up.  The funny thing is I didn't know I had passed out because I still heard music playing in my head so I didn't think anything of it. People had told me that any modesty you have goes out the window when you have a baby-you don't care who sees what so long as that thing gets out of you.  Not me. I was still very aware of the fact that more people than I cared to count were witnessing me so unbearably vulnerable that I was still shy about it.  I'm a modest gal. Having a baby really didn't change that much.  

So we got over to the other side and recovered just fine after that.  Matt took to being a daddy like a pro and changed the diapers like he had been doing it his whole life.  Now, he thinks I'm crazy (what else is new?) but I say he has a new daddy glow about it. You know how sometimes people look different after they get married, or women get a glow in pregnancy? He got this new look about him as soon as he started to hold his little boy.  Pride. Love. Accomplishment. Purpose. I'm sure all of these things and more contribute to this new look he has.  See for yourself.....

 

I'm pretty sure I'm saying "hey buddy! Thanks for coming out of me!!"

 

Such a cutie!

Welcome home little boy!!



 



 

In the onsie my friend Amanda helped me embroider. He's laying on the same blanket that Matt was brought home in from the hospital.

 

Such a proud daddy!

 

He's pretty snugly after eating.

 

First bath. Samson LOVES James so much!! He is fairly protective over James, always watching. And giving kisses. 

 

Mama snuggles after the bath.

 

 

We're settling into this parenting thing alright for the time being.  We'll see how the next few weeks, months, and years go ;)

A New Appreciation

So I'm going to get a little serious here. I know, shocker! Just wanted to warn you all....


Critter wasn't too active the last few days. I have a slight cold and I'm not the best about making sure I'm eating and drinking enough water.   Add that to the fact we're 29 weeks and that makes it kind of a perfect storm of inactive baby, apparently.  With less room to wiggle around, babies aren't necessarily as active as they were in the weeks leading up.  And with Critter being a less active baby anyway, even less activity can be slightly alarming. 


I noticed it Wednesday.  Usually I'm up and about so much that Critter is kind of lulled by my activity so they aren't as wiggly. But as soon as I sit down, take a break and eat something, whoop whoop party time!! However, that wasn't working Wednesday. Granted I was pretty stuffy and coughing some so my body may have been just trying to reboot in the time I did rest.  And my evening usually ends with couch time and a nice bowl of ice cream, usually some kind of chocolate variety.  This is when Critter really gets going-they must love the chocolate!! But this night, not even a blip. No nudges, hiccups (which I still have yet to feel), kicks, or elbows.  Nada. I didn't think too much of it but it was in the back of my mind.


You know how a few weeks ago I posted about kicking, those lovely 4 am jam sessions? Well, it didn't happen Wednesday night/Thursday morning. Now I know you're going to say I am overreacting. Let me finish first! I woke up around 330-4 am to utilize the facilities (I'm trying to be delicate here ;) ) and noticed that Critter was quiet. Too quiet. So I drank some water and laid on my left side. Nothing. I squished my belly. Almost laid onto my stomach to squish the babe even more. Nothing. Usually if I lay too far onto my side, Critter gets mad and starts to wiggle and kick big time. This time, not even a blip really. Ok, now we all know I'm not one to overreact and get worried about things easily. There are times I probably should get more concerned than I do.  So I feel it is legit when I get worried. 


I started to pray. God, please make Critter move. Just a little? Ok, I lied.  A big whopper of a kick. One? Please? Let me know this kid is still alive in there. I'm really starting to worry. I've read about people losing their babies at this point, please don't do that to me. I don't think I could take it... (as you can tell, I went down the rabbit hole a little bit here).


Then....wiggle wiggle. Just a little bit. But enough for relief, at that moment.


Thursday was a big day.  I have been giving some lessons to some girls who's parents we are friends with.  I decided since it is spring break to do a mini pony camp. So that meant up a little earlier than normal and in constant motion for about 6 hours.  I tried to make sure I was drinking enough water again.  But I still didn't feel anything.  Not from the time I got up to the time I sat down about 7 hours later for a real lunch and rest.  I ate some healthy good stuff but I also had a little chocolate, hoping that would help out.  Nope. So I call Matt, just to give him a heads up.  He texts back about 10 minutes later, asking me to call the midwife.  Now he's worried. And it takes A LOT for this guy to get nervous.  So like any good wife, I call.  They ask me to drop everything and do the kick test again. If it comes out low, time to go into labor and delivery for monitoring.  *Sidebar-they did say by having a front lying placenta (TMI I know) it is possible the baby is doing a lot but since I've got such a big cushion there, it may be hard to tell what's going on.  I had also thought of this so that's why I wasn't totally freaking, yet.  They also said that between 29-34 weeks they get more complaints from patients saying they aren't feeling as much from the baby so it could be normal still.  Again, I thought the same.


As I'm speaking with the nurse on the phone Matt comes home.  So he sits there with me and we do the kick count together.  For those who don't know what a kick count is, it's when you eat and drink a little something, lay on your left side, and count how many times the baby moves.  You should get 8-10 movements (which can me kick, punch, hiccups, topsy-turvey, squirms, and wiggles) within 2 hours.  I had already done a count before Matt got home and I had only gotten 5 in 2 hours. So with Matt sitting there, on the clock, and us chatting, it took about 45 minutes to get 8 kicks. Good enough right, since we had the excavator coming to talk about the arena.


Fast forward to after dinner, Matt and I are having a discussion (aka, slight disagreement, aka, argument.)  I shower and am a little upset. He then asks, how's the baby doing? Is it moving more? As a matter of fact, yes, yes it is. Apparently our baby hates it when I'm upset. Because it was going CRAZY! A hearty night's sleep was interrupted at times by Critter reminding me that they are still here and very well.  Thank the Lord!


This morning I woke up to so much activity and you know what, I was so glad! It hasn't been a secret that I wasn't looking forward to the kicking and moving side of being pregnant.  I worried it would freak me out, all the time.  And up until now, I was just dealt with it as part of the package.  Sometimes it hurt.  But mostly, it was just there.  Now, I am actually looking forward to it.  I like to think that Critter is chatting with me at times.  They are reminding me (and the Lord is too) that they are here and I'm to care for them.  Not that I didn't care before but I would just think it'll all be over once they come out.  Now, I actually may let someone else touch me when they get kicking! Shocker! I did say maybe so don't get too excited. Like I've said before, even at this point Matt doesn't get to feel much because the baby stops as soon as someone else comes near me.  I think they may be a little shy like I was when I was little.  Or more introverted like their daddy-he's hoping for that one!


So for now, I will revel in the movements. I will praise God that He is keeping Critter alive and well.  I will not complain when the baby moves so much it keeps me awake.  I will be grateful and thankful that I actually get to experience it all, when I know so many who would kill to have the chance. But I probably won't stand around stroking my belly and cooing over it. There is a limit you know?! 

SPRIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!!!

So the weather today WAS NOT reflective of what a big day was today.  It's the first day of SPRING!!!! Sunshine? Nope. Warm temps? Nadda. Flowers blooming? Not a chance.  Today was rainy and cold and yuck. But there is hope; because it's SPRING!!! Officially!! Yay! So in celebration of that fact, here is my favorite springy song from one of my favorite musicals.  The first part of the video is very reflective of what I felt like winter was. And then, the clouds part, the sun shines, and the birds chirp (one of my absolute favorite aspects of spring!!).  Without further adieu, "Spring, Spring, Spring"  from Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.  Which, if you haven't seen, you should. It's awesome.

Epiphany

So I had an epiphany the other day.  I know!! That means I have a brain and think about things. I can hardly believe it myself at times.  Now, I know you're going to laugh at my brilliant moment of thought. Picture this:

I'm in BodyFlow last Friday.  For those who don't know what that is, it is a class at the gym that is a combination of yoga, tai-chi, and Pilates-it's a good stretchy class. Anyway, at the end of every class there is about 10 minutes of relaxation and meditation.  It's pretty awesome-you get all stretched out then you just chill for a bit. A big part of this time is to let your thoughts kind of float around-in one side out the other. You're not supposed to think about what you've got going on or dwell on things.  Good luck on that one! I can turn my brain onto a low setting but completely off is not possible. A lot of the time I use this time to pray and ask the Lord what he has for me. So last Friday I'm sitting there, relaxed, maybe some would call it zen? I don't know but I'm feeling pretty good.  When it hits me.

I am going to be someone's mother.

Now I've known this for a while, I theory. Each "milestone" of the pregnancy has only proven to me that there is indeed a small person being created within.  First ultrasound-yup, a little bean there. First time hearing the heartbeat-160 beats of holy crap.  20 week ultrasound-there really is something in there! AND IT MOVES!! That one has been proven may times over by the whalloping my uterus has been getting lately. But for some reason, this hit me differently. I (and Matt too I suppose) am going to be responsible for another human being. They will call me mama. Or mommy. Or mom. Or hey you. I'm sure I'm going to be called lots of things in my life, hopefully mostly good but probably some bad in there too.

Having owned animals since I myself was in utero, I'm used to taking care of things. The only times in my entire life that I did not have a dog for a long period of time were my freshman year of college, but that changed as soon as I got back to UT for the summer, and when we left Joey behind our first 6 months in Cyprus.  That was brutal. BUT, I was helping at the riding stables so I was still caring for animals! See what I mean? This was another part of my epiphany:

 

I take care of others

Now I don't mean that in a some self-righteous sort of way. But I think about my days, past and present, and what have they mainly been filled with? Caring for something or someone other than myself. Sure taking care of the horses benefits me because then I can ride them.  But I also enjoy, for the most part (not in snow and cold!), taking care of them.  I love to groom, feed, and just hang out with them.  The dogs too.  They don't like to be brushed as much but to play with them is great fun! I take care of our home (albeit I'm not Suzy homemaker most of the time) and I take care of Matt (in the sense that I make him food and do his laundry and love him.)

So having a baby is just one step above that right? Or maybe 18 steps above. Constant 24/7 care will be needed for a significant amount of time, unlike the animals. I realize I can't stick Critter in a kennel, tell it to be quiet, and leave for a few hours. They'll have to be with one of us, at all times, for years.  Or with someone we can trust. It won't just be the two of us, it'll be the three.  2 adults and 1 child is what we'll say at restaurants in the very near future. Until they can go for a sleepover with someone, we'll won't be alone, FOR YEARS. As you can see, I'm freaking out, I mean, digressing.....

The funny thing is, moms to be apparently have different epiphanies at different times that, from the outside, people are saying, well, DUH!!!! I was telling someone (who is also preggo, due a little before me) about my thoughts and they said their's was the baby will have to come out at some point.  They said they were good with being pregnant, they are one who LOVES it and has already signed up for round two. But they hadn't really thought about the baby coming out, until recently. They are due in a little over a month. Part of me wanted to go:



But that wouldn't have been fair by any means. I mean, I've just realized that I'm going to be a mother. Please see above image for an appropriate reaction.

God Bless Matt. His response to me coming home and having a mini tirade on him was, "We're going to be great parents. Don't worry-it's going to be fine." I have NO doubts that he's going to own it as a dad.  He'll be the perfect mixture of love, aloofness, protection, freedom, and guidance. Me, on the other hand. I shutter to think.  I feel like I will vacillate between super happy and uncontrollable crying/rage for quite some time. Here is your visual:

and

and

DISCLAIMER: I know this is Kim Kardashian but I feel that she is who I actually most look like when I'm crying-I was going for realism in this one.  Normally I would NEVER NEVER NEVER use a photo of one of them on my blog. But it just made me laugh. 

At the end of it all, I know we'll be ok. The Lord will guide us and we have so much love and support around us now that I think we'll be ok.  This is a time in which I think it's a good thing that most of our family is 10 minutes away-if I call and all you hear is screeching, come quickly.

Kicking

So Merriam-Webster dictionary defines kick as:

1a :  to strike out with the foot or feet

b :  to make a kick in football

2a :  to show opposition :  resist, rebel

b :  to protest strenuously or urgently :  express grave discontent

Here is a good example of the type of kick I am thinking of:

Similarly, punch is defined as:

1a :  prod, poke

b :  drive, herd <punching cattle>

2a :  to strike with a forward thrust especially of the fist

b :  to drive or push forcibly by or as if by a punch

c :  to hit (a ball) with less than a full swing

Again, corresponding image of the punch I am thinking of:

Obviously that is the baby on the right and my uterus on the left.  Critter:1 Uterus:0

Now obviously, there are some differences here. One is done with the foot, the other with the hand/fist. I would imagine kicks are more powerful than punches but I think that may also be relative to who is doing the beating. 

However, both are the verb forms of their respective words, and both are physical. Both are usually, and correctly in this instance, associated with force.  Yes, I am being kicked and punched on a daily basis.  By something that only weighs approximately 2 pounds.  Thankfully it doesn't hurt, at this point.  Talk to me when it's jabbing a foot or arm under my rib during one of their play time sessions. Or during labor.

I get that the baby jiving around in there is a good thing; it means that they are A) alive! B) healthy C) growing and D) a future athlete.  We're right in the middle of the 4 week period where the baby is most active-little fish, big pond sort of situation going on here. Between weeks 24-28 is that period of high activity and Critter is taking full advantage of it. 

I'm ok with Critter flipping and stretching around. I'm ok with them movin', shakin', and getting ready for the outside world. What I'm not ok with, is that their favorite time to do this has been at 4 AM the last few nights. For 30-45 minutes. Kid. You. Not.  Critter is most active first thing in the morning, right before bed, and at 4 AM. And after eating chocolate. Not sweets in general, just chocolate. It's pretty hilarious actually. I'm sure they are moving around all through the night as babies are typically more active when we mamas are at rest.  Since I'm moving almost all day, Critter is lulled to sleep most of the day by me just being active.  So when I'm at rest, they are like a tumbler at the circus! I imagine something like this:

This is what I feel like I look like first thing in the morning after a marathon night of kicks and jabs by my new little beloved (said sarcastically, ironically, and with some disdain):



I know some preggos who LOVE feeling their baby moving around. Once again, this is an area where I differ.  I don't hate it but I'm not going to run up to you and say ooooh, feel this!  It was actually one of the areas in which I was most nervous about getting pregnant.  I hated feeling my food process through my belly so who knew how I was going to take another, live human being (an alien or parasite as some may call it) having independent movement and control INSIDE me start to do their own thing?!?!  The first flutters did feel like gas bubbles; not too distinctive of baby movement but questionable.  Now the first major movement where I'm sure Critter was doing a big somersault fliperoo? Oh. My. Gosh.  I seriously almost vomited. Partly because it caught me by surprise.  But mainly because I felt and saw it at the same time and my belly moved. Actually, physically moved. I didn't like it when other people made me feel their bellies when they were preggo and the baby moved so I really wasn't having it to begin with.  Now, as time has gone on, it's not so bad.

And to those crazies out there who are shows like I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant, you have GOT to be on some sort of drugs to think that you were feeling gas bubbles (while you're getting the crap kicked out of your insides) and just having a really hard time losing that weight or processing your food. Are. You. Kidding. Me????? I always laughed at shows like that because I thought, how can you not know? Now. Now I really think they need to be evaluated by a mental health professional.  And I'm sure my opinion of them is only going to get worse after I actually have to go through the labor process myself. Ok, rant over.

Poor Matt, his hands are so big and warm I swear to you that as soon as he touches us, he soothes the baby to sleep. I'm really hopeful that this will translate well for when Critter is on the outside world. He just keeps chuckling the next day when I tell him what time and how long the little monster moved in the night to keep me awake. He also jokes that the baby is starting to condition me for no sleep. And in the same breath he says he's really not looking forward to me being sleep deprived for those first few weeks? Months? Years? Indefinite period of time.

All I'm saying is that at the rate this kid is going, they better get a scholarship to the school of their choice in some kind of sport that involves kicking, punching, and tomfoolery in general.