28 weeks

So today is a big day-we are now in the third trimester of baking Critter.  Yes, in 3 short months, we will have a human baby to care for.

Don't worry. As you can tell, that thought BLOWS MY MIND!!!!!  Now I'm already feeling as big as the house that killed Dorothy, so I can only imagine how much larger I'm going to get. Word on the street is that the size of my belly is not very large in comparison to others who are at the same junction as I.  Whatever.  My stomach is bigger than it has ever been in my life.  And I look like an upside down turtle when I do certain poses in flow.  Mainly camel. In fact I actually look like a camel. It's ridiculous.

Thankfully the nursery is mostly completed and only has some finishing touches to be done.  We've had such an outpouring of generosity already from friends and family so that we don't need any "major" items.  Car seat and stroller were the only "big" things on our registry because we were given everything else.  I am so incredibly thankful and humbled by those in our life who said "what do you need, we've got tons to give you!"  Who does that? And we're not fancy folks by any means so hand-me-downs are totally cool in our book! But the amount of stuff we've accumulated already is crazy! Why do babies need so much stuff?????

As Critter gets larger, the space in which they have to occupy is getting smaller. This means that I'm feeling a heck of a lot more than I was a few weeks ago.  Apparently this is a good thing.  And not only can I feel a lot more, other people can see it more easily, if they're looking that is. I've got some friends in Bible study who have been watching the belly for a few weeks to see any movement-no dice so far. I'm sure as we get closer to DDay they'll be able to see all the kicks and rollbacks that I'm feeling.  I just keep joking to pass the chocolate.......

SPRIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!!!

So the weather today WAS NOT reflective of what a big day was today.  It's the first day of SPRING!!!! Sunshine? Nope. Warm temps? Nadda. Flowers blooming? Not a chance.  Today was rainy and cold and yuck. But there is hope; because it's SPRING!!! Officially!! Yay! So in celebration of that fact, here is my favorite springy song from one of my favorite musicals.  The first part of the video is very reflective of what I felt like winter was. And then, the clouds part, the sun shines, and the birds chirp (one of my absolute favorite aspects of spring!!).  Without further adieu, "Spring, Spring, Spring"  from Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.  Which, if you haven't seen, you should. It's awesome.

Epiphany

So I had an epiphany the other day.  I know!! That means I have a brain and think about things. I can hardly believe it myself at times.  Now, I know you're going to laugh at my brilliant moment of thought. Picture this:

I'm in BodyFlow last Friday.  For those who don't know what that is, it is a class at the gym that is a combination of yoga, tai-chi, and Pilates-it's a good stretchy class. Anyway, at the end of every class there is about 10 minutes of relaxation and meditation.  It's pretty awesome-you get all stretched out then you just chill for a bit. A big part of this time is to let your thoughts kind of float around-in one side out the other. You're not supposed to think about what you've got going on or dwell on things.  Good luck on that one! I can turn my brain onto a low setting but completely off is not possible. A lot of the time I use this time to pray and ask the Lord what he has for me. So last Friday I'm sitting there, relaxed, maybe some would call it zen? I don't know but I'm feeling pretty good.  When it hits me.

I am going to be someone's mother.

Now I've known this for a while, I theory. Each "milestone" of the pregnancy has only proven to me that there is indeed a small person being created within.  First ultrasound-yup, a little bean there. First time hearing the heartbeat-160 beats of holy crap.  20 week ultrasound-there really is something in there! AND IT MOVES!! That one has been proven may times over by the whalloping my uterus has been getting lately. But for some reason, this hit me differently. I (and Matt too I suppose) am going to be responsible for another human being. They will call me mama. Or mommy. Or mom. Or hey you. I'm sure I'm going to be called lots of things in my life, hopefully mostly good but probably some bad in there too.

Having owned animals since I myself was in utero, I'm used to taking care of things. The only times in my entire life that I did not have a dog for a long period of time were my freshman year of college, but that changed as soon as I got back to UT for the summer, and when we left Joey behind our first 6 months in Cyprus.  That was brutal. BUT, I was helping at the riding stables so I was still caring for animals! See what I mean? This was another part of my epiphany:

 

I take care of others

Now I don't mean that in a some self-righteous sort of way. But I think about my days, past and present, and what have they mainly been filled with? Caring for something or someone other than myself. Sure taking care of the horses benefits me because then I can ride them.  But I also enjoy, for the most part (not in snow and cold!), taking care of them.  I love to groom, feed, and just hang out with them.  The dogs too.  They don't like to be brushed as much but to play with them is great fun! I take care of our home (albeit I'm not Suzy homemaker most of the time) and I take care of Matt (in the sense that I make him food and do his laundry and love him.)

So having a baby is just one step above that right? Or maybe 18 steps above. Constant 24/7 care will be needed for a significant amount of time, unlike the animals. I realize I can't stick Critter in a kennel, tell it to be quiet, and leave for a few hours. They'll have to be with one of us, at all times, for years.  Or with someone we can trust. It won't just be the two of us, it'll be the three.  2 adults and 1 child is what we'll say at restaurants in the very near future. Until they can go for a sleepover with someone, we'll won't be alone, FOR YEARS. As you can see, I'm freaking out, I mean, digressing.....

The funny thing is, moms to be apparently have different epiphanies at different times that, from the outside, people are saying, well, DUH!!!! I was telling someone (who is also preggo, due a little before me) about my thoughts and they said their's was the baby will have to come out at some point.  They said they were good with being pregnant, they are one who LOVES it and has already signed up for round two. But they hadn't really thought about the baby coming out, until recently. They are due in a little over a month. Part of me wanted to go:



But that wouldn't have been fair by any means. I mean, I've just realized that I'm going to be a mother. Please see above image for an appropriate reaction.

God Bless Matt. His response to me coming home and having a mini tirade on him was, "We're going to be great parents. Don't worry-it's going to be fine." I have NO doubts that he's going to own it as a dad.  He'll be the perfect mixture of love, aloofness, protection, freedom, and guidance. Me, on the other hand. I shutter to think.  I feel like I will vacillate between super happy and uncontrollable crying/rage for quite some time. Here is your visual:

and

and

DISCLAIMER: I know this is Kim Kardashian but I feel that she is who I actually most look like when I'm crying-I was going for realism in this one.  Normally I would NEVER NEVER NEVER use a photo of one of them on my blog. But it just made me laugh. 

At the end of it all, I know we'll be ok. The Lord will guide us and we have so much love and support around us now that I think we'll be ok.  This is a time in which I think it's a good thing that most of our family is 10 minutes away-if I call and all you hear is screeching, come quickly.

Kicking

So Merriam-Webster dictionary defines kick as:

1a :  to strike out with the foot or feet

b :  to make a kick in football

2a :  to show opposition :  resist, rebel

b :  to protest strenuously or urgently :  express grave discontent

Here is a good example of the type of kick I am thinking of:

Similarly, punch is defined as:

1a :  prod, poke

b :  drive, herd <punching cattle>

2a :  to strike with a forward thrust especially of the fist

b :  to drive or push forcibly by or as if by a punch

c :  to hit (a ball) with less than a full swing

Again, corresponding image of the punch I am thinking of:

Obviously that is the baby on the right and my uterus on the left.  Critter:1 Uterus:0

Now obviously, there are some differences here. One is done with the foot, the other with the hand/fist. I would imagine kicks are more powerful than punches but I think that may also be relative to who is doing the beating. 

However, both are the verb forms of their respective words, and both are physical. Both are usually, and correctly in this instance, associated with force.  Yes, I am being kicked and punched on a daily basis.  By something that only weighs approximately 2 pounds.  Thankfully it doesn't hurt, at this point.  Talk to me when it's jabbing a foot or arm under my rib during one of their play time sessions. Or during labor.

I get that the baby jiving around in there is a good thing; it means that they are A) alive! B) healthy C) growing and D) a future athlete.  We're right in the middle of the 4 week period where the baby is most active-little fish, big pond sort of situation going on here. Between weeks 24-28 is that period of high activity and Critter is taking full advantage of it. 

I'm ok with Critter flipping and stretching around. I'm ok with them movin', shakin', and getting ready for the outside world. What I'm not ok with, is that their favorite time to do this has been at 4 AM the last few nights. For 30-45 minutes. Kid. You. Not.  Critter is most active first thing in the morning, right before bed, and at 4 AM. And after eating chocolate. Not sweets in general, just chocolate. It's pretty hilarious actually. I'm sure they are moving around all through the night as babies are typically more active when we mamas are at rest.  Since I'm moving almost all day, Critter is lulled to sleep most of the day by me just being active.  So when I'm at rest, they are like a tumbler at the circus! I imagine something like this:

This is what I feel like I look like first thing in the morning after a marathon night of kicks and jabs by my new little beloved (said sarcastically, ironically, and with some disdain):



I know some preggos who LOVE feeling their baby moving around. Once again, this is an area where I differ.  I don't hate it but I'm not going to run up to you and say ooooh, feel this!  It was actually one of the areas in which I was most nervous about getting pregnant.  I hated feeling my food process through my belly so who knew how I was going to take another, live human being (an alien or parasite as some may call it) having independent movement and control INSIDE me start to do their own thing?!?!  The first flutters did feel like gas bubbles; not too distinctive of baby movement but questionable.  Now the first major movement where I'm sure Critter was doing a big somersault fliperoo? Oh. My. Gosh.  I seriously almost vomited. Partly because it caught me by surprise.  But mainly because I felt and saw it at the same time and my belly moved. Actually, physically moved. I didn't like it when other people made me feel their bellies when they were preggo and the baby moved so I really wasn't having it to begin with.  Now, as time has gone on, it's not so bad.

And to those crazies out there who are shows like I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant, you have GOT to be on some sort of drugs to think that you were feeling gas bubbles (while you're getting the crap kicked out of your insides) and just having a really hard time losing that weight or processing your food. Are. You. Kidding. Me????? I always laughed at shows like that because I thought, how can you not know? Now. Now I really think they need to be evaluated by a mental health professional.  And I'm sure my opinion of them is only going to get worse after I actually have to go through the labor process myself. Ok, rant over.

Poor Matt, his hands are so big and warm I swear to you that as soon as he touches us, he soothes the baby to sleep. I'm really hopeful that this will translate well for when Critter is on the outside world. He just keeps chuckling the next day when I tell him what time and how long the little monster moved in the night to keep me awake. He also jokes that the baby is starting to condition me for no sleep. And in the same breath he says he's really not looking forward to me being sleep deprived for those first few weeks? Months? Years? Indefinite period of time.

All I'm saying is that at the rate this kid is going, they better get a scholarship to the school of their choice in some kind of sport that involves kicking, punching, and tomfoolery in general.  

Snoooooow, snoooooow, snoooooooooooooow.......

So this is how I feel about snow the first time it hits (I don't know how to make it show the video automatically so click on the link folks!!):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQ9cxfumEOo

Everyone loves that first storm.  So fresh, powdery, lovely, and magical looking. That feeling lasts for all about 15 seconds for me.  When I see snow first thing in the morning, or even on the radar, I get a pit in my stomach. I get anxious. I get agitated. I get angry.  It's almost like the steps of grief. 

I seriously think of Ned Stark from Game of Thrones saying, "Brace yourself." I know this is a very old joke at this point but it's truuuuuuue!!! Ask Matt.  I see snow on the forecast and I literally start a plan of attack on how to best combat the beast and ensure that the horses are well cared for.  This past storm definitely put me in a slight pickle.  Cold. Then warm. Then regular rain. Still warm. That turns into sleeting rain because it's starting to get cold. Then sleeting rain that turns into snow because the temperature drops literally 25-30 degrees in a 24 hour period.  Then snoooooooow. We got 6 inches in 6 hours, which I know people who are used to being in massive amounts of snow will respond with "quite your belly aching!"  But I'm sorry, that's a lot of snow! And WET snow. Here is my list of horrible badness when it comes to wintry conditions:

1. Freezing rain on top of melted then refrozen snow. It was like a frickin' slip in slide ice rink getting out to feed the horses.  And it's not a short walk. Especially when you have to take baby steps. And avoid tripping over wild snow puppies.
2. Freezing rain full stop. I. Hate. It. Especially when it's windy. Yuck.
3. Plummeting temperatures with freezing cold wind to make the wind chill literally 20 degrees colder.
4. Snow. Any kind. Any amount (well, except for a dusting, that doesn't hurt anything).

This is what I look like when I come in from being outside.....

To be fair, this is how Matt looks half the time too since he's really picked up the slack in helping me with having so much snow and ice. 

Now I know what almost any and every one of you are saying to me right now.  But YOU  wanted to have YOUR horses at HOME so YOU  can take care of them. IT'S YOUR FAULT!!!!. 

I agree. Seriously I do. I know I brought this upon myself.  That doesn't mean I can't hate it every now and then.  Look here's the deal.  If just one of these factors were at play, it would be NO BIG DEAL at all. Seriously.  But the fact that:

1. This has been a horrific February
2. We don't have a full barn up (by NO ONE'S fault.  It just wasn't feasible to get that up before the bad weather set in with out spending an absolute fortune).
3. First winter having the original 4
4. Getting Rui right before the winter set in and sadly having some herd integration issues (poor guy is all alone most of the time because the older guys don't really like him. The girls, however, love him.) I am so incredibly thankful that he is SUCH an AMAZING baby!!! He doesn't act like a coming 2 year old 95% of the time.  And he's learned that he can be a wild baby when he's been turned out for run around time-it's hilarious to watch. And terrifying. All I can think some of the time is "I REALLY REALLY REALLY hope he doesn't do that with me on his back in 2 years. 'Cause I will be T.O.A.S.T." He's pretty level-headed so I have good faith that he will be a perfect gentleman when it comes to that point.
5. And being knocked up. Yea I said it.

With all of these factors, winter has been tough.  I know that slogging through this winter will make me that much more grateful when the barn is up! And although my pregnancy has been pretty easy for the most part, I've started to pop out like a turkey thermometer within the last few weeks.  Apparently, that makes doing things (mobile, needing to be flexible outside while wearing 4 layers of snow gear kinds of things) a little more difficult.  Thank to the Lord that I didn't start popping sooner and that I made it 6 months before I actually had a belly to contend with. And apparently people think it's a small belly, but I'm feeling like small is a relative term these days....

At the end of the day, when I'm snuggled warm in my bed, feeling Critter kickin' around, I know I'm blessed.  Horses are healthy, safe, and warm despite the awful weather.  I am healthy, safe, and warm-no worse for wear for having to work a little harder to take care of the animals I love so very much. My husband is an absolute angel and saint for helping me without complaint (most of the time) and all he wants in return is a warm dinner (and maybe some lovin' but that's a different story!!).   I know I can sound ungrateful when it's 10 degrees outside and I have to trudge out to feed.  But it could be worse, I could not have them at all which would be heartbreaking.

Regardless, this is me when spring hits:

And this....

And this.....

Ok, I may have digressed some. But you get the point.